even now - the world is bleedin' - but feelin' just fine - all numb in our castle - where we're - always free to choose - never free enough to find - i wish somethin' would break - cuz we're runnin' out of time

I feel better about myself now.

So I was going through my webspace the other day trying to get rid of old stuff and clean things up (the trash can remained empty) and found one of my old hypertexts. Every now and again I can stand something I write.

It will become a permanent link hereafter in the right-hand menu.

Apart from the pulling and hauling stands what I am,
Stands amused, complacent, compassionating, idle, unitary,
Looks down, is erect, or bends an arm on an impalpable certain rest,
Looking with side-curved head curious what will come next,
Both in and out of the game and watching and wondering at it.


~Walt Whitman, from Song of Myself

listen to the wind blow - watch the sun rise

And in the north it smells like snow...

Haha.

News from the home front

My friend who was wounded in Iraq is now home and in good shape; he came up from the fort to visit this past weekend. He sports a formidable scar and is still swimming in prescriptions but all in all looks well and should be well healed up very soon.

One almost forgets how long it has been since one has seen a long-absent individual. Suddenly they are back and physically tangible and standing in front of you, and you can't think of the length of time that they have been gone. But it doesn't matter anymore because against all odds, they are there.

He spoke a little about his experiences, everything from the usual missions and activities up until the ambush. We normal folk cannot imagine the sand and the heat and the sound of artillery thumping overhead. We cannot imagine the RPG's screaming, nor the crackle of rifle fire. We cannot imagine sitting one moment in a gun turret, and lying in the bottom of the truck slowly going numb the next. We cannot imagine the look of our own blood on our hands and the surreal loss of sensation and orientation as our bodies fight against the shock. We cannot imagine standing before a crowd later and reliving that moment in speech to those who we know will not fully understand the life-and-death instincts of the moment.

I have little respect for our government and the way that they are handling (quote unquote) the situation in the Middle East. The men and women who are actually over there and attempting to fulfill their mission are those who deserve our respect and support. Officially we proclaimed the conflict resolved on May 1st. That's bullshit.

Open your eyes.

and it's been awhile - since i could look at myself straight - and it's been awhile - since i said i'm sorry

please come now i think i’m falling - i’m holding on to all i think is safe - it seems i found the road to nowhere - and i’m trying to escape - i yelled back when i heard thunder - but i’m down to one last breath - and with it let me say - let me say - hold me now

el espejo en el techo - champana en el hielo - y ella dijo somos todos prisioneros - de propia voluntad

from the firefly - a red orange glow - see the face of fear - runnin' scared in the valley below

until my eyes cry out - till my head is free of doubt - till my lungs sigh right out - till i'm wiser

if you still care at all - don't go - tell me now - if you love me at all - please don't tell me now

when i was a child i caught a fleeting glimpse - out of the corner of my eye - i turned to look but it was gone - i cannot put my finger on it now - the child is grown, the dream is gone - i have become comfortably numb

Beauty is only gene-deep....

Hoy no estoy pensando en ingles.
Tant pis.

I make a very arrogant misanthrope.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with
sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. ~Galileo
Galilei, physicist and astronomer (1564-1642)

Impiety, n. Your irreverence toward my deity. ~Ambrose Bierce, writer
(1842-1914) [The Devil's Dictionary, 1906]

So it's another beautiful day out there, probably around 40 degrees and with that slightly damp after-the-rain feel to the air...completely out of place, of course, being here a week into November. Last year the ground was frozen and well on its way to being white.

I of course am stuck inside, in the typical pattern that these things tend to follow, and with sunset at quarter of five these days I rather doubt I'll be able to enjoy this unseasonal warmth before daylight ends. Instead I am limited to staring longingly out my window and watching the leaves drop one by one from the sugar maples that line the driveway like golden torches.

Despite the warmth, the height of our autumn color has passed and the woods are taking on the gray and depressing cast that November always brings. Even the leaves that remain have lost their brilliancy, and everywhere bare trunks and branches are silhouetted against a leaden sky. There is no taste of snow in the air; no sense of expectation, simply a dead sort of calm broken only by the raucous croaks of the ravens.

It's times like these, when I look out at life through the window of my own space and see nothing but gray, that it's almost more tempting to stay inside, curled up with a hypothetical good book and mug of hot chocolate. Without marshmallows. Whipped cream though. And cinnamon and nutmeg on top. Mocha Malabar.

It's pointless though. The gray life, I mean. Even the bite of winter in the air signifies that something is about to happen; this slow day-to-day grind, lacking anything of moment, filled with pettiness and downright ridiculousness, is as silent and unappealing as the grave. There is no creativity, no humor, no depth. People skate over their lives on the uppermost layer and never delve beneath to find the treasures of intelligence, dignity, and grace that could so easily be implemented. Instead they giggle and argue over the most ridiculous of things. It grates. I find it aurally and visually aggravating. Better to stay inside in my comfortable little study, and let that facet of the world pass me by.

On a happier note, I just received a thank-you note from my graduate student for helping him with his MBA paper. Sweet of him.

because i wanna be a - cowboy baby - with the top let back and the sunshine shining

i see a sky full of the stars that change our minds - and lead us back to a world we would not face - the stillness in your eyes convinces me that i - i don't know a thing

there's nothing but the rain - no footsteps on the ground - i'm listening but there's no sound

way up north i took my day - all in all was a pretty nice - day and i put the hood - right back where - you could taste heaven - perfectly - feel out the summer breeze - didn't know when we'd be back - and i - i don't - didn't think - we'd end up like - like this